I'm going blank.

I said: "I want to make a definitive map of empiric noumenal reality and always have the exact identity of whatever materialization I am into."

I had access to that map for some time, many times long ago, and just before my fall in disgust, revulsion, repugnance, loathing, distaste, abhorrence, repulsion, contempt, detestation, antipathy, displeasure, dislike, disrelish over the absolute, but not quite total inexistence of humanity, and the TOTAL impotence of the things that look like it.

I am going to make up that empiric map again.

I'm going to use it.

I'm going to blank into thin air.

The periods in between two separate points of objects will be so long, and the resonance so mighty, that the landscape of my personality will totally blank.

It's called dying. Every electron in the brain will be perfectly balanced to cancel out any and all ever differences it will make. There will be no difference at all between the ether, dead matter and me. My being will vanish.

I always wanted to die young. I hated dying, not being there. I hated that all was just a big fat lie, where the pointy animals just suffer and spread suffering permanently, ending in just nothing when you die.

Being the small part that the rest of the universe around you is not is just it. No difference between anything, everything just flat out.